What can I do when my loved one passes away?

When a loved one passes away, it’s not easy to hold yourself together. It doesn’t matter if you were prepared for it or not. If you knew it was going to happen or not. If it was inevitable or an accident. The fact is that the death of a dear one is the toughest experience you’ll face in life because you know the fact that the person you loved so much will never come back to you again.

Life is full of ups downs. When someone is gone life seems to halt but actually life never stops. It is we who create the illusion of life being stopped after the loss. The same sun rises every morning and so must we. In this article we will try to help you overcome your grief.

The first and most important thing is to let yourself grieve. Don’t try to ignore the emotional upheaval that is taking place inside you. Face it. Deal with it. Cry all you want. If you have a friend or family member that you trust, confide your feelings in them. Sorrows lessen when shared. Remember that you are not the only person who loved the deceased. Help other family members who are grieving. Share your emotions with them. Support each other through this difficult time. Just don’t hold your feelings inside you.  The death of a loved one is a traumatic experience and when your emotions are not addressed correctly they can become depression. Don’t let yourself enter that zone. If you don’t have a family support system, join support groups.  There you can find people who are going through the same experiences you are going through. Help them and let them help you to overcome the monster of grief.

Once your feelings are somewhat at ease, try doing something in honor of the deceased person. It is not right to erase the memory of the person who has passed away. If you have lost a parent, even after death they are your parent. Same goes for all other bonds. When a person dies, his physical presence is not with you but the relation will always be there. So write a poem, make a picture book, visit places that they wanted to visit. While living your life, just live their dream a little every day.

Try to keep yourself busy. Don’t use grief as an excuse to do poorly at work or misbehave with others. That person would have never wanted to see you this way. So work on keeping yourself busy. Go back to work, take cooking lessons, do anything that will allow you to refocus your thoughts. Try to get back on your feet again.

Ask God for spiritual guidance. Pray. Ask God for peace from within. Remember God’s grace is able to comfort you, heal you, and make you at peace. He will give you strength to overcome this phase of life. All you have to do is to believe in Him. Believe that he loves you more than anyone can ever love so He will help you.

Sunday Grief, M.D. is a great read with spiritual and practical tools that we can apply to our lives when a loss occurs.  Add Sunday Grief, M.D. to your reading list and  reference list when a loved one has passed. www.sundaypublishingcompany.com 

Renee' Sunday, M.D.
Author, Sunday Grief, M.D.

. www..sundaypublishingcompany@gmail.com

A Healing Heart

There is a saying “Hearts heal faster from surgery than from loss” , which so true as sometimes it seems as if centuries will pass by and this pain won’t go away. Losing someone dear in life can be a tormenting experience. While we say our goodbyes so many times in life, the last goodbye is so hard to say and to understand the fact that we may not hear or see this person again. Even though we know that death is not uncommon. It happens everyday. Every second someone is dying. But when someone we love passes away, our worst fear becomes a reality. Our world comes crashing down. We ask ourselves how did this happen. Life stops with the departure of that loved one. We feel grief.

In life there are different times. At one moment you are happy at another you might be sad or worried. Life has all kinds of surprises, emotions, situations in store for you. Living them is actually life. In this world everything has an opposite. Life has death, anger has self-control, hatred has love and so grief has joy. It is funny how in order to understand and appreciate something you need to have experienced its opposite. No one would appreciate life if death wasn’t there. You won’t learn self-control until you have lost yourself once. Once you hate someone you realize loving is more fun. Similarly grief makes us appreciate joy.

When our loved one  passes away we feel our life has stopped. Letting go seems impossible. Different people have different ways to cope with grief. Whatever way you deal your loss with, it is important to resolve your grief. There are people who choose to ignore the pain they feel after losing someone important in their lives. Ignoring will only make it worse. Such people often pass into a depression phase.  Grief and sorrow won’t go away until you deal with it.

My mother always said happiness when shared becomes more and sorrow when shared becomes lesser. It is good to have a friend on whose shoulder you can put your head and cry. People also join support groups to overcome their grief by discussing it with other people and listening to their life stories. Whatever way we choose to overcome grief the thing to remember is life goes on, even though this fact is hard to admit, it still remains a fact. You cry at night, reminiscing about the way your mother loved and protected you when you were a kid or how your soul- mate used to know everything you wanted before you could even tell them, but in the morning when you wake up you are alright. That’s because every night has a day to look forward to. You just have to be patient, though it is better said than done but one must try. Remember healing from grief is not something you’ll get in one day, a month or months, it takes time. So give it time.  Emotions are an unique creation of God. Everybody goes through a loss in their own way. But remember God is ALWAYS with us.

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Grief Support- What can we do with our emotions?

In life, it is hard to be part of any other person grieving process not unless you get an invitation asking you to be involved. It is important to know that you may fall victim of helpless and guilty when challenged by a death. You may also feel that you can't do much to comfort and assist the bereaved person. This is a general natural feeling, although there are certain ways by which you can employ to help in different levels of the grief process. You should always be a supporter; understand that you are present to be leaned upon. Be helpful in practical activities such as giving funeral details, providing meals and being a partaker of confusing tasks that arise after death.

A person suffering from grief need to be listened to. Be ready to accept a friends need to pour out emotions and to give repeated tales about life and death of their loved ones. People are always ready to talk about their experience of loss. Furthermore, you have to be a friend for you to help a friend undergoing grief. Help the people get back in touch and acceptance of the world around them. A friend will be one who encouraging involvement in hobbies, special interest groups and social activities among others. Only a few people are in a position to cope with the pain of bereavement. They are particularly ready to share their pain and loss. It is an usual and crucial section of the process. Nevertheless if the stress is extreme, guide them in getting professional support and help needed by the bereaved.

When a friend or a relative dies in a disaster such as bushfire or flood, it can be much harder to cope with. Disasters always occur unexpectedly, thus you do not have time to get prepared. A disaster not only have an effect on you, but also on the community, family and friends. Dealing with any kind of disaster is difficult enough to stress you up. Coping with the loss of a loved one or a friend, the loss of your school or home, or any major disruptions during life can pile to the existing emotional stress. Establish a new beginning when the grief becomes less severe, get back to your usual activities that you might have dropped and assign yourself something new. For instance, developing a new relationship at a considerate pace.

Grief lasts long just like the way you can adjust to changes in life once you suffer a loss. It has no fixed timetable; emotions, thoughts, behaviors and other kind of responses may arise and go.A lot of people write books about grief occurrence in stages, however, it is more of the cycles that come and go. Nevertheless, this is dependent on your occupation and any triggers which evoke the remembrance of a deceased person. Everybody fears and hate loss of companionship or changes which might take effect on our lives over time. But in the final end, dealing effectively with the bereavement is crucial to a the mental health of a grieving individual.


Author Renee' Sunday
www.sundaypublishingcompany.com

Grief Questions & Support: Emotions

Grief is an enduring and an intense emotion which everyone can experience. The grief process is different for different people. This depends on the personal attachment and the type of loss that one suffers. That’s why grief emotions will vary from individual to another. Imagine a case where your beloved is in a car accident after five minutes being with you. How would you feel? This kind of loss, which is sudden, can lead to a family member being subjected to very intense grief. Such loss is accompanied by anger, blame, denial and depression. This grieving can take a few weeks or years before you fit yourself with the new way of life.

More intensity adds to the existing grief due to other burdens surrounding the family. Such burdens may include financial constraints, compensations among others. To reduce the pressures from grief, family members always strive to communicate constantly, trying to regain concentration in work places, and encouraging the younger kids although most of the family members feel no worth in living. Grieving is totally unpredictable. There is no defined grief process since it's not a step by step model. It might be accompanied by sadness and numbness in the initial stages and then an increased grieving or vice versa or mixed up grief.

The grief process is seen by the society a way of undergoing linear process which leads to a kind of acceptance in the final end. But this is seemingly opposite of the truth. Grief makes you feel rejected and wanting to seclude yourself from the society without sharing. You can only use the mode of expression that work for you, otherwise writing, talking and music are some of the ways to express grief. Moreover, spiritual feeling form part of the grief process. You will question the reason behind the loss. At the same time you can be comforted by spiritual beliefs or go ahead to doubt your beliefs.

But you cannot carry the grief for life. At a point you have to accept the reality at any cost. It's hard to get over it and move on. However, you can learn to accommodate the grief. This means going out to the world once again and start building oneself as a new person. With time, interaction with the world and other family members will enable you to create new relationships with other people. For instance, your family can engage in gardening provided it's an activity appreciated by every family member. You can also be involved in a debate with other people and so on.

Due to distress and anger, it's somehow next to impossible in fighting the loss. However, with time the sad days will be history turning to the pleasurable moments you had with the loved one. Try and adapt to the new environment different from the original one. You can only achieve the new environment by getting busy with some meaningful and significant activities in your life. Accept the reality, undergo the pain, adjust to the new way of life and finally put all your emotions to the new way of life and you will overcome the grief process.

Renee' Sunday,M.D.

www.sundaypublishingcompany.com

Should We Grieve?

There are two occurrences in life that are 100% guaranteed: being born and the other is dying. When a person dies or passes on from earth, the remaining people (family, friends, and associates) go through different phases or levels of grief. The grieving process can consist of physical, emotional, and spiritual responses. Your response will not be the same as another person. God created all of us in His image. We have different dreams and goals in life. We have different responses to stress and situations.

As a medical professional, I experience first-hand how the body functions and preforms on a daily basis. God’s masterpiece, the human body can sense and respond different depending if the stimuli are positive or negative. The word of God is our compass and direction in life. When my family proceeded through the grieving process ONLY God supplied peace, joy, and a renewed mind in Him. 

My book is titled, " Sunday Grief, M.D.  I will share my family's journey to resting in God’s arms. The word of God will encourage and strengthen us along life’s pathway. God is the ONLY refuge when trials and tribulations come. God is the antidote to going through the grieving process. God will comfort and give confidence. Yes, God had already made the way  to proceed through the grieving process.  

Sunday Grief, M.D. displays my love for my brother, Junior. I'm transparent in revealing the process of grief through my eyes of being his sister and an anesthesiologist. God has given me this mission to express wisdom and guidance to inspire others to trust God throughout the grieving process.

www.sundaypublishingcompany.com

The cattle on a thousand hills. Are you a role model?

As I drive through the countryside, I glance to see several cows enjoying hay and grass. They are doing their routine activities without an apparent care in the world. They seem to be similar to a family. They display care and protection of the younger calves.  Parents are sent from God to carry out the same duties for their children. There are many different colors and sizes of cows to view; some are black, brown, and even off- white in color. Their sizes range from small to large. Some are close to the ground and others are not. These differences can be found in humans too. We can vary in color, size and shape because, we are unique and wonderfully made by God.  Families are treasures from God.

A person's character and integrity builds a foundation for his or her life. How we respond to a given situation is based on character, integrity, and experiences. Our belief and culture train our minds from childhood. Similar features and behaviors are passed throughout each generation. They can be positive or negative. Our upbringing can mold our lives. If the father likes sports, then he will introduce sports to his offspring. It's funny at times that we see the same traits in our children that we had when we were children.

Having a good role model is another treasure indeed because they are our example. Role models can be one to look up to and obtain knowledge that can be shared. And when there is a stumbling block our role model will give us assistance and guidance.  As we go forward in life, we will have others to encourage and support toward their destiny too. WOW! A role model is a priceless jewel.

We have to believe we can achieve our unique goals and dreams. We have to encourage ourselves sometimes. We have to be our own cheerleaders. Everyone has his or her own issues and trials in life. God is our refuge when we are faced with troubling times. Yes, we are our brother's keeper. Extend a helping hand to others.

Words of Wisdom from Mrs. Rosetta Sunday (my mother):  I call her words:

 Wisdom from Alabama

1)  Dream big and set short and long term goals.

2)  Write down the plan and envision the plan.

3) Go after the plan.

4) The open doors and closed doors are both learning tools of patience, maturing, appreciation, and knowledge. Open doors are part of a road map toward our destiny. Also closed doors are parts of the ultimate plan.

5) Achieving one milestone leads to another.

6) Having faith with the tenacity to be consistent in our walk with God.

7) All things -the good and bad works together for those who love God.

8) Walk it out and enjoy life! So be it.

 

 Yes, Yes, Yes, mother well said. I’m going forward in Jesus Name.

 

Is it dark in here?

As a child I loved to play" close your eyes and walk.” This is when my sister, brother and I would close our eyes and walk through the house to see how far we could walk without bumping into something. When I said, Ouch my turn was over. I would always win the game. I have tried this again as an adult, I'm still good at walking in the dark but I always bump into something.

Life has situations that can be up one day and down another. How we perceive a situation will determine how we will respond and react. If we choose to worry about the situation then our body will respond. We can become anxious and nervous- sweating and increase breathing frequency then diarrhea, abdominal pain, and constipation can occur. Wow, yes our mind, body and soul are intertwined.

To release the darkness in our lives, we have to roll all of our cares onto God through Jesus Christ. Meditating in the Word of God and praying to Him in the Name of Jesus bring peace, revelation, and clarity to every situation in life. Prayer is when we communicate with God, acknowledge Him, and worship Him. Praying is talking with God and doing more listening than talking. Also, prayer is giving thanks for what He has done through salvation, and thanking Him for His Son, Jesus. God hears all prayers. God answers all prayers. Life has so many circumstances that will come your way. Stand firm on the Word of God." Be still and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the Heathen; I will be exalted in the earth. “(Psalms 46:10). He will never leave us, nor forsake us. (Hebrews 13:6).

When we make decisions throughout the day we are not walking in the dark and bumping into things because God directs us through His Holy Spirit. He is always with us. He is a very present help when we are in trouble. If we desire peace, joy, or wisdom God has whatever we need. Ask and we will receive. Our Father in Heaven is our light and salvation through any trial, tribulation and challenge in our lives.

Matthew 5:13-16 (Bible Verses about Light)
“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men."You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

Enjoy life. Smile and you will brighten up some else life. So be it.


Tags: Christian prayer time, teach me how to pray,trusting God when it hurts

Am I Driving or being Driven: Purpose

    As we travel throughout life, there are hills, mountains, valleys, and pits that we conquer and overcome. Transportation is a very important tool in many truly all of our lives.

    Be it a car, plane, bus, bike and even the soles of our feet move and transport us from one degree to another in life. For an example, an automobile is an amazing creation, the integral parts all work together for a common goal which is to move forward, back, and even left and right. Millions and millions of people every day operate some mode of transportation to make life easier. We can travel from one state to another and from one country to another in one going and going down to the sun.

    As we proceed through traffic are we driving or being driven. To view others driving, there are speed racers and slow motion operators. To be true to myself I have been in both shoes be it a speed racer and a slow motion operator. To dash in and out of traffic or at a slow pace (speed limit) is a decision that has been a journey. Driving for all to see, driving to be a risk or a hazard to others and myself should not enter a thought. But this is what I, a Southern Bell has done. The speed odometer displays the true and accurate motion of the vehicle because it can accelerate to 160-180 miles per hour does not mean I need obtain this goal.

    With open eyes, with an open heart, I operate an automobile as unto life. I decide to drive and not be driven. I decide to LOOK on in amazement, excitement of how God created this world. From the smallest animal to the most intelligent creation, this is mankind. We have to enjoy the air we breathe and the path of our lives. . Enjoy each phase of our lives. Walk with expectation, Walk with determination, Walk with the goal of bringing a smile or positive energy to all that we met. To drive is a world of joy and peace instead of being driven by the cares of the world. Family, friends, and people who do not know the inner drive is to Love. Therefore, spread Love every step, every mile, every level to show that you are driving and not allowing yourself to be driven by negative thoughts and emotions. Being in the drivers' seat can be enjoyable and peaceful, if we ONLY transport Love from my face to yours. So be it.

Happiness. What is happiness.....?

 

           Having a smile on our face makes our body, mind, and soul experience a peaceful, serene state. The beauty of our land is an awesome find indeed.  The birds of the air fly in complete bliss with no care or distress. A budding flower does not frown when it rains even if it rains constantly for four hours. A flower conserves as much water as it can for when it does not rain, it is still beautiful, peaceful and satisfied. We too as human beings respond to our surroundings. However, how we respond and react makes a world of difference in any situation.

Happiness begins within; if our thoughts are happy then our body responds with a happy sense. A smile can encourages others. Showing love will set the atmosphere so others can feel safe and have an inner peace. Our mind, body, and soul work together. Our body senses, when we are facing decisions, there can be conflicting thoughts while we are making important decisions.

 I revisit the inner being - my soul where my instincts assist and guide me in making decisions. Our instinct of right and wrong is inside of us; it directs and guides us toward our purpose and passion in life .When I pray, a sense divine wisdom nudges me toward the answers that are right for me. I trust the wisdom of God imprinted on my soul and it taps into my intuition. I know I have found my right path when I feel a sense of peace settling into my consciousness. In sacred communion with loving wisdom, I am inspired to make choices that are morally and spiritually with integrity and truth of who I am. I am a child of God—clear and directed, wise and loving. I fearlessly act upon the guidance I receive to make sound, God-inspired decisions. I acknowledge God and He leads me. This is what brings happiness in my mind, body, and soul.

 Likewise, others can do the same .Get up, be encouraged to pursue your dreams, master your tasks, and obtain your goals. Follow your instinct of right and wrong. Our inner being will empower us to be happy then our happiness will blossom into joy unspeakable joy. So be it.

 

How does stress become rest?

This past weekend I was flying the friendly skys. A lady sat next to me on the airplane. She was as bubbly as I was.

She said, "she moved her flight time so she could go home early to get some rest."
I replied, "Amen, I understand."
My name is Renee' .
I'm Betty, what type of work do you do?
I'm an anesthesiologist
Wow, that's a stressful career . How do you do it?
My faith in God is the answer. My joy, hope, and peace begins and ends with Him.

As believers this should be our response. God is our everything. My hope comes from God. Everyday  I pray for my patients and their families. It's truly a honor to provide anesthesia to them. God is using me as a part of His Plan to heal and restore their lives. I know Jesus bore our grief, our sufferings and our sorrows, and that His wounds have healed ours. There is nothing too hard for God. Thankfulness and gratitude goes to Him in the Name of Jesus.

Hope is unfortunately becoming a word that people want but do not embrace. In the New Testament, Hope is the assurance of what we believe will happen. It's our spiritual confidence in God. Our spiritual confidence is not a wish or an emotion. God Himself lives in us through His Holy Spirit.When we become Christians, Jesus pours out His Spirit upon us as God's gift to cleanse us, make us part of the same Body and live inside us . God's presence within us is God's love. God continues to refresh His Love through His Holy Spirit, just as Jesus had promised.

Our reliance and dependence on God turns our hope into rest. We are resting in His arms. He loves us and wants to make us happy.

My conversation with Betty on the airplane gave her peace and assurance that God is God all by Himself. He is the Only One that gives us peace, joy, and rest. He will guide, protect and give us the desires of our heart. We have to seek Him first and then it will be added unto us.

My stress is rest with God as my GPS- God Provides Strength.

Prayer:

Holy and Almighty God, awesome in Power and majestic in Holiness. Thank You for sending Jesus. Thank You for living in us through Your Spirit. Thank You for pouring Your love into our hearts so that the fruit of Your Grace may flow from us to those around us will know of Your grace. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.


Hebrews 4:3 ESV

For we who have believed enter that rest, as he has said, “As I swore in my wrath, They shall not enter my rest," although his works were finished from the foundation of the world.

Yes God loves us

John 3

^13-15 “No one has ever gone up into the presence of God except the One who came down from that Presence, the Son of Man. In the same way that Moses lifted the serpent in the desert so people could have something to see and then believe, it is necessary for the Son of Man to be lifted up—and everyone who looks up to him, trusting and expectant, will gain a real life, eternal life.
^16-18 “This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person’s failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him.
^19-21 “This is the crisis we’re in: God-light streamed into the world, but men and women everywhere ran for the darkness. They went for the darkness because they were not really interested in pleasing God. Everyone who makes a practice of doing evil, addicted to denial and illusion, hates God-light and won’t come near it, fearing a painful exposure. But anyone working and living in truth and reality welcomes God-light so the work can be seen for the God-work it is.

 Message (MSG)

Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson

God loves us so much that He gave His ONLY Son to save us. There is no greater love than His love for us. We honor and adore You. We praise you in everything we do and say. We listen to the prompting of the Holy Spirit and flow in Your Plan for our lives. Thank You for life which is more abundant. Yes He loves us.

ALL IS WELL

 

All is well.Whatever the issue (s) going on right now in our lives. All is well. God is our God. We are winners. We are the rightousness of God. Thank you, Lord for Your Grace and Mercy. Sometimes we get in situations that we should not. Thank You, for protecting us. Thank You for never leaving us alone. Thank You, Lord for life in You Only. Encourage others. Jesus paid it all. Glory be to God ONLY. Believe and Trust God. God Promises are Yes and Amen. So be it.

Love

Love is what love does

God is good.