Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Grief Questions & Support: Emotions

Grief is an enduring and an intense emotion which everyone can experience. The grief process is different for different people. This depends on the personal attachment and the type of loss that one suffers. That’s why grief emotions will vary from individual to another. Imagine a case where your beloved is in a car accident after five minutes being with you. How would you feel? This kind of loss, which is sudden, can lead to a family member being subjected to very intense grief. Such loss is accompanied by anger, blame, denial and depression. This grieving can take few weeks or years before you fit yourself with the new way of life.

More intensity adds to the existing grief due to other burdens surrounding the family. Such burdens may include financial constraints, compensations among others. To reduce the pressures from grief, family members always strive to communicate constantly, trying to regain concentration in work places, and encouraging the younger kids although most of the family members feel no worth in living. Grieving is totally unpredictable. There is no defined grief process since it's not a step by step model. It might be accompanied by sadness and numbness in the initial stages and then an increased grieving or vice versa or mixed up grief.

The grief process is seen by the society a way of undergoing linear process which leads to a kind of acceptance in the final end. But this is seemingly opposite of the truth. Grief makes you feel rejected and wanting to seclude yourself from the society without sharing. You can only use the mode of expression that work for you, otherwise writing, talking and music are some of the ways to express grief. Moreover, spiritual feeling form part of the grief process. You will question the reason behind the loss. At the same time you can be comforted by spiritual beliefs or go ahead to doubt your beliefs.

But you cannot carry the grief for life. At a point you have to accept the reality at any cost. It's hard to get over it and move on. However, you can learn to accommodate the grief. This means going out to the world once again and start building oneself as a new person. With time, interaction with the world and other family members will enable you to create new relationships with other people. For instance, your family can engage in gardening provided it's an activity appreciated by every family member. You can also be involved in a debate with other people and so on.

Due to distress and anger, it's somehow next to impossible in fighting the loss. However, with time the sad days will be history turning to the pleasurable moments you had with the loved one. Try and adapt to the new environment different from the original one. You can only achieve the new environment by getting busy with some meaningful and significant activities in your life. Accept the reality, undergo the pain, adjust to the new way of life and finally put all your emotions to the new way of life and you will overcome the grief process.

Renee' Sunday,M.D.

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