Thursday, January 16, 2014

Three Secrets for Coping with a Difficult Situation

Let’s face it, difficult situations show up all the time in a myriad of ways. But there is a method to cope regardless of the nuances, which will help you maintain inner peace and consistency. First, you need to make a decision. It sounds simple, I know, but this is the area where most of us struggle. You often deal with the “shoulda, woulda, coulda” scrutiny leaving you stuck in analysis paralysis. If you start from there imagine how the rest of this ordeal will go for you, you will be left feeling uneasy, nervous, or upset. Make up your mind and MOVE forward! Your inner peace will come from the confidence that you know you’re doing what is best for you. Second, forgive and let go. Truthfully, this may be harder than making a decision. But if you are confident in yourself, then you know whatever may be holding you back can be released through forgiveness. The ability to move forward freely will occur when nothing is stopping you from your own happiness. Acknowledge whatever may be stopping you and let it go. Step three, is probably the easiest, (finally)! Have a positive attitude! Your attitude is the ONLY thing in this world that you can really control. Imagine you’re wearing rose colored glasses, everything you see would be tainted pink, right? Right. Well that’s like life, if you look around at everything feeling sad, lonely, abysmal, even mad, then everything will appear the same way. You get the say in how things look and how they turn out by simply having a positive attitude. So get on those sunglasses and look at it through a positive light; you need to know that the end result will be a wise decision, and with this system – it will!

Monday, July 29, 2013

What can I do when my loved one passes away?

When a loved one passes away, it’s not easy to hold yourself together. It doesn’t matter if you were prepared for it or not. If you knew it was going to happen or not. If it was inevitable or an accident. The fact is that the death of a dear one is the toughest experience you’ll face in life because you know the fact that the person you loved so much will never come back to you again.
Life is full of ups downs. When someone is gone life seems to halt but actually life never stops. It is we who create the illusion of life being stopped after the loss. The same sun rises every morning and so must we. In this article we will try to help you overcome your grief.

The first and most important thing is to let yourself grieve. Don’t try to ignore the emotional upheaval that is taking place inside you. Face it. Deal with it. Cry all you want. If you have a friend or family member that you trust, confide your feelings in them. Sorrows lessen when shared. Remember that you are not the only person who loved the deceased. Help other family members who are grieving. Share your emotions with them. Support each other through this difficult time. Just don’t hold your feelings inside you.  The death of a loved one is a traumatic experience and when your emotions are not addressed correctly they can become depression. Don’t let yourself enter that zone. If you don’t have a family support system, join support groups.  There you can find people who are going through the same experiences you are going through. Help them and let them help you to overcome the monster of grief.

Once your feelings are somewhat at ease, try doing something in honor of the deceased person. It is not right to erase the memory of the person who has passed away. If you have lost a parent, even after death they are your parent. Same goes for all other bonds. When a person dies, his physical presence is not with you but the relation will always be there. So write a poem, make a picture book, visit places that they wanted to visit. While living your life, just live their dream a little every day.
Try to keep yourself busy. Don’t use grief as an excuse to do poorly at work or misbehave with others. That person would have never wanted to see you this way. So work on keeping yourself busy. Go back to work, take cooking lessons, do anything that will allow you to refocus your thoughts. Try to get back on your feet again.
Ask God for spiritual guidance. Pray. Ask God for peace from within. Remember God’s grace is able to comfort you, heal you, and make you at peace. He will give you strength to overcome this phase of life. All you have to do is to believe in Him. Believe that he loves you more than anyone can ever love so He will help you.

Sunday Grief, M.D. is a great read with spiritual and practical tools that we can apply to our lives when a loss occurs.  Add Sunday Grief, M.D. to your reading list and  reference list when a loved one has passed. 

Renee' Sunday, M.D.
Author, Sunday Grief, M.D.

Friday, July 12, 2013

A Healing Heart

There is a saying “Hearts heal faster from surgery than from loss” , which so true as sometimes it seems as if centuries will pass by and this pain won’t go away. Losing someone dear in life can be a tormenting experience. While we say our goodbyes so many times in life, the last goodbye is so hard to say and to understand the fact that we may not hear or see this person again. Even though we know that death is not uncommon. It happens everyday. Every second someone is dying. But when someone we love passes away, our worst fear becomes a reality. Our world comes crashing down. We ask ourselves how did this happen. Life stops with the departure of that loved one. We feel grief.
In life there are different times. At one moment you are happy at another you might be sad or worried. Life has all kinds of surprises, emotions, situations in store for you. Living them is actually life. In this world everything has an opposite. Life has death, anger has self-control, hatred has love and so grief has joy. It is funny how in order to understand and appreciate something you need to have experienced its opposite. No one would appreciate life if death wasn’t there. You won’t learn self-control until you have lost yourself once. Once you hate someone you realize loving is more fun. Similarly grief makes us appreciate joy.
When our loved one  passes away we feel our life has stopped. Letting go seems impossible. Different people have different ways to cope with grief. Whatever way you deal your loss with, it is important to resolve your grief. There are people who choose to ignore the pain they feel after losing someone important in their lives. Ignoring will only make it worse. Such people often pass into a depression phase.  Grief and sorrow won’t go away until you deal with it.
My mother always said happiness when shared becomes more and sorrow when shared becomes lesser. It is good to have a friend on whose shoulder you can put your head and cry. People also join support groups to overcome their grief by discussing it with other people and listening to their life stories. Whatever way we choose to overcome grief the thing to remember is life goes on, even though this fact is hard to admit, it still remains a fact. You cry at night, reminiscing about the way your mother loved and protected you when you were a kid or how your soul- mate used to know everything you wanted before you could even tell them, but in the morning when you wake up you are alright. That’s because every night has a day to look forward to. You just have to be patient, though it is better said than done but one must try. Remember healing from grief is not something you’ll get in one day, a month or months, it takes time. So give it time.  Emotions are an unique creation of God. Everybody goes through a loss in their own way. But remember God is ALWAYS with us.

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Thursday, June 27, 2013

Grief Support- What can we do with our emotions?

In life, it is hard to be part of any other person grieving process not unless you get an invitation asking you to be involved. It is important to know that you may fall victim of helpless and guilty when challenged by a death. You may also feel that you can't do much to comfort and assist the bereaved person. This is a general natural feeling, although there are certain ways by which you can employ to help in different levels of the grief process. You should always be a supporter; understand that you are present to be leaned upon. Be helpful in practical activities such as giving funeral details, providing meals and being a partaker of confusing tasks that arise after death.

A person suffering from grief need to be listened to. Be ready to accept a friends need to pour out emotions and to give repeated tales about life and death of their loved ones. People are always ready to talk about their experience of loss. Furthermore, you have to be a friend for you to help a friend undergoing grief. Help the people get back in touch and acceptance of the world around them. A friend will be one who encouraging involvement in hobbies, special interest groups and social activities among others. Only a few people are in a position to cope with the pain of bereavement. They are particularly ready to share their pain and loss. It is an usual and crucial section of the process. Nevertheless if the stress is extreme, guide them in getting professional support and help needed by the bereaved.

When a friend or a relative dies in a disaster such as bushfire or flood, it can be much harder to cope with. Disasters always occur unexpectedly, thus you do not have time to get prepared. A disaster not only have an effect on you, but also on the community, family and friends. Dealing with any kind of disaster is difficult enough to stress you up. Coping with the loss of a loved one or a friend, the loss of your school or home, or any major disruptions during life can pile to the existing emotional stress. Establish a new beginning when the grief becomes less severe, get back to your usual activities that you might have dropped and assign yourself something new. For instance, developing a new relationship at a considerate pace.

Grief lasts long just like the way you can adjust to changes in life once you suffer a loss. It has no fixed timetable; emotions, thoughts, behaviors and other kind of responses may arise and go.A lot of people write books about grief occurrence in stages, however, it is more of the cycles that come and go. Nevertheless, this is dependent on your occupation and any triggers which evoke the remembrance of a deceased person. Everybody fears and hate loss of companionship or changes which might take effect on our lives over time. But in the final end, dealing effectively with the bereavement is crucial to a the mental health of a grieving individual.

Author Renee' Sunday

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Grief Questions & Support: Emotions

Grief is an enduring and an intense emotion which everyone can experience. The grief process is different for different people. This depends on the personal attachment and the type of loss that one suffers. That’s why grief emotions will vary from individual to another. Imagine a case where your beloved is in a car accident after five minutes being with you. How would you feel? This kind of loss, which is sudden, can lead to a family member being subjected to very intense grief. Such loss is accompanied by anger, blame, denial and depression. This grieving can take few weeks or years before you fit yourself with the new way of life.

More intensity adds to the existing grief due to other burdens surrounding the family. Such burdens may include financial constraints, compensations among others. To reduce the pressures from grief, family members always strive to communicate constantly, trying to regain concentration in work places, and encouraging the younger kids although most of the family members feel no worth in living. Grieving is totally unpredictable. There is no defined grief process since it's not a step by step model. It might be accompanied by sadness and numbness in the initial stages and then an increased grieving or vice versa or mixed up grief.

The grief process is seen by the society a way of undergoing linear process which leads to a kind of acceptance in the final end. But this is seemingly opposite of the truth. Grief makes you feel rejected and wanting to seclude yourself from the society without sharing. You can only use the mode of expression that work for you, otherwise writing, talking and music are some of the ways to express grief. Moreover, spiritual feeling form part of the grief process. You will question the reason behind the loss. At the same time you can be comforted by spiritual beliefs or go ahead to doubt your beliefs.

But you cannot carry the grief for life. At a point you have to accept the reality at any cost. It's hard to get over it and move on. However, you can learn to accommodate the grief. This means going out to the world once again and start building oneself as a new person. With time, interaction with the world and other family members will enable you to create new relationships with other people. For instance, your family can engage in gardening provided it's an activity appreciated by every family member. You can also be involved in a debate with other people and so on.

Due to distress and anger, it's somehow next to impossible in fighting the loss. However, with time the sad days will be history turning to the pleasurable moments you had with the loved one. Try and adapt to the new environment different from the original one. You can only achieve the new environment by getting busy with some meaningful and significant activities in your life. Accept the reality, undergo the pain, adjust to the new way of life and finally put all your emotions to the new way of life and you will overcome the grief process.

Renee' Sunday,M.D.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Should We Grieve?

There are two occurrences in life that are 100% guaranteed: being born and the other is dying. When a person dies or passes on from earth, the remaining people (family, friends, and associates) go through different phases or levels of grief. The grieving process can consist of physical, emotional, and spiritual responses. Your response will not be the same as another person. God created all of us in His image. We have different dreams and goals in life. We have different responses to stress and situations.

As a medical professional, I experience first-hand how the body functions and preforms on a daily basis. God’s masterpiece, the human body can sense and respond different depending if the stimuli are positive or negative. The word of God is our compass and direction in life. When my family proceeded through the grieving process ONLY God supplied peace, joy, and a renewed mind in Him. 

My book is titled, " Sunday Grief, M.D.  I will share my family's journey to resting in God’s arms. The word of God will encourage and strengthen us along life’s pathway. God is the ONLY refuge when trials and tribulations come. God is the antidote to going through the grieving process. God will comfort and give confidence. Yes, God had already made the way  to proceed through the grieving process.  

Sunday Grief, M.D. displays my love for my brother, Junior. I'm transparent in revealing the process of grief through my eyes of being his sister and an anesthesiologist. God has given me this mission to express wisdom and guidance to inspire others to trust God throughout the grieving process.

Monday, March 18, 2013

The cattle on a thousand hills. Are you a role model?

As I drive through the countryside, I glance to see several cows enjoying hay and grass. They are doing their routine activities without an apparent care in the world. They seem to be similar to a family. They display care and protection of the younger calves.  Parents are sent from God to carry out the same duties for their children. There are many different colors and sizes of cows to view; some are black, brown, and even off- white in color. Their sizes range from small to large. Some are close to the ground and others are not. These differences can be found in humans too. We can vary in color, size and shape because, we are unique and wonderfully made by God.  Families are treasures from God.

A person's character and integrity builds a foundation for his or her life. How we respond to a given situation is based on character, integrity, and experiences. Our belief and culture train our minds from childhood. Similar features and behaviors are passed throughout each generation. They can be positive or negative. Our upbringing can mold our lives. If the father likes sports, then he will introduce sports to his offspring. It's funny at times that we see the same traits in our children that we had when we were children.

Having a good role model is another treasure indeed because they are our example. Role models can be one to look up to and obtain knowledge that can be shared. And when there is a stumbling block our role model will give us assistance and guidance.  As we go forward in life, we will have others to encourage and support toward their destiny too. WOW! A role model is a priceless jewel.

We have to believe we can achieve our unique goals and dreams. We have to encourage ourselves sometimes. We have to be our own cheerleaders. Everyone has his or her own issues and trials in life. God is our refuge when we are faced with troubling times. Yes, we are our brother's keeper. Extend a helping hand to others.

Words of Wisdom from Mrs. Rosetta Sunday (my mother):  I call her words:

 Wisdom from Alabama

1)  Dream big and set short and long term goals.
2)  Write down the plan and envision the plan.
3) Go after the plan.

4) The open doors and closed doors are both learning tools of patience, maturing, appreciation, and knowledge. Open doors are part of a road map toward our destiny. Also closed doors are parts of the ultimate plan.

5) Achieving one milestone leads to another.

6) Having faith with the tenacity to be consistent in our walk with God.

7) All things -the good and bad works together for those who love God.

8) Walk it out and enjoy life! So be it.

 Yes, Yes, Yes, mother well said. I’m going forward in Jesus Name.