Monday, July 29, 2013

What can I do when my loved one passes away?

When a loved one passes away, it’s not easy to hold yourself together. It doesn’t matter if you were prepared for it or not. If you knew it was going to happen or not. If it was inevitable or an accident. The fact is that the death of a dear one is the toughest experience you’ll face in life because you know the fact that the person you loved so much will never come back to you again.
Life is full of ups downs. When someone is gone life seems to halt but actually life never stops. It is we who create the illusion of life being stopped after the loss. The same sun rises every morning and so must we. In this article we will try to help you overcome your grief.

The first and most important thing is to let yourself grieve. Don’t try to ignore the emotional upheaval that is taking place inside you. Face it. Deal with it. Cry all you want. If you have a friend or family member that you trust, confide your feelings in them. Sorrows lessen when shared. Remember that you are not the only person who loved the deceased. Help other family members who are grieving. Share your emotions with them. Support each other through this difficult time. Just don’t hold your feelings inside you.  The death of a loved one is a traumatic experience and when your emotions are not addressed correctly they can become depression. Don’t let yourself enter that zone. If you don’t have a family support system, join support groups.  There you can find people who are going through the same experiences you are going through. Help them and let them help you to overcome the monster of grief.

Once your feelings are somewhat at ease, try doing something in honor of the deceased person. It is not right to erase the memory of the person who has passed away. If you have lost a parent, even after death they are your parent. Same goes for all other bonds. When a person dies, his physical presence is not with you but the relation will always be there. So write a poem, make a picture book, visit places that they wanted to visit. While living your life, just live their dream a little every day.
Try to keep yourself busy. Don’t use grief as an excuse to do poorly at work or misbehave with others. That person would have never wanted to see you this way. So work on keeping yourself busy. Go back to work, take cooking lessons, do anything that will allow you to refocus your thoughts. Try to get back on your feet again.
Ask God for spiritual guidance. Pray. Ask God for peace from within. Remember God’s grace is able to comfort you, heal you, and make you at peace. He will give you strength to overcome this phase of life. All you have to do is to believe in Him. Believe that he loves you more than anyone can ever love so He will help you.

Sunday Grief, M.D. is a great read with spiritual and practical tools that we can apply to our lives when a loss occurs.  Add Sunday Grief, M.D. to your reading list and  reference list when a loved one has passed. 

Renee' Sunday, M.D.
Author, Sunday Grief, M.D.

Friday, July 12, 2013

A Healing Heart

There is a saying “Hearts heal faster from surgery than from loss” , which so true as sometimes it seems as if centuries will pass by and this pain won’t go away. Losing someone dear in life can be a tormenting experience. While we say our goodbyes so many times in life, the last goodbye is so hard to say and to understand the fact that we may not hear or see this person again. Even though we know that death is not uncommon. It happens everyday. Every second someone is dying. But when someone we love passes away, our worst fear becomes a reality. Our world comes crashing down. We ask ourselves how did this happen. Life stops with the departure of that loved one. We feel grief.
In life there are different times. At one moment you are happy at another you might be sad or worried. Life has all kinds of surprises, emotions, situations in store for you. Living them is actually life. In this world everything has an opposite. Life has death, anger has self-control, hatred has love and so grief has joy. It is funny how in order to understand and appreciate something you need to have experienced its opposite. No one would appreciate life if death wasn’t there. You won’t learn self-control until you have lost yourself once. Once you hate someone you realize loving is more fun. Similarly grief makes us appreciate joy.
When our loved one  passes away we feel our life has stopped. Letting go seems impossible. Different people have different ways to cope with grief. Whatever way you deal your loss with, it is important to resolve your grief. There are people who choose to ignore the pain they feel after losing someone important in their lives. Ignoring will only make it worse. Such people often pass into a depression phase.  Grief and sorrow won’t go away until you deal with it.
My mother always said happiness when shared becomes more and sorrow when shared becomes lesser. It is good to have a friend on whose shoulder you can put your head and cry. People also join support groups to overcome their grief by discussing it with other people and listening to their life stories. Whatever way we choose to overcome grief the thing to remember is life goes on, even though this fact is hard to admit, it still remains a fact. You cry at night, reminiscing about the way your mother loved and protected you when you were a kid or how your soul- mate used to know everything you wanted before you could even tell them, but in the morning when you wake up you are alright. That’s because every night has a day to look forward to. You just have to be patient, though it is better said than done but one must try. Remember healing from grief is not something you’ll get in one day, a month or months, it takes time. So give it time.  Emotions are an unique creation of God. Everybody goes through a loss in their own way. But remember God is ALWAYS with us.

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